Life Skills Development/Unit Three/Communication (The Gift of Listening)/Lesson

The accumulation of wise words ...

What is Affective Listening?

It is the listening for the benefit of the other. It is extending positive willingness to be a sounding board for the other and listen with attentiveness for the agreed period and then be listened to by the other. It is different from transactional and informational listening where the listener aims at getting some benefit from what he hears. In affective listening it is the process that counts. The process of the speaker clarifying his mind and expressing his emotions in a safe environment. the listener is not to judge and advise but only to encourage the speaking and to affirm the speaker at the end. The affirmation is based on the intrinsic qualities that all human beings have - being living, good , intelligent, energetic and powerful. Affective listening is aided when skills such as appropriate contact, encouraging sounds, empathetic comments like 'You did not deserve that', are used.

Self Assessment

QUESTION: What are the elements of Affective Listening? ANSWER: Paraphrasing, the use of sequential dialogue, summarizing, attentiveness and responsiveness are all elements of affective listening. Paraphrasing is the rewriting of ideas from a source (speaker) in different words, without changing its original meaning. This can also be used to clarify previously presented ideas. The use of sequential dialogue is the exchange of ideas between two or more people in a logical order. Summarizing is the ability to create a short description of information, which includes the most important ideas. Attentiveness is achieved by simply paying close attention to something or someone by noticing, watching and listening. Responsiveness occurs when we answer and respond to another person in a logical and appropriate manner.

Self Assessment

QUESTION: Why is Affective Listening important? ANSWER: Affective listening skills is important because it aids us in becoming responsive listeners. This therefore improves our communication skills by assuring others of the mutual respect between persons involved in the conversation. It also lends to feelings of self-worth. It shows support to those we listen to affectively, especially during stressful time periods. By asking questions and carefully listening, you can gain a better understanding of the other person's feelings, and can respond in a more helpful way. Empathy, which is the ability to experience another’s feelings as if it were one’s own, is a major asset in being able to respond with appropriate emotions for a given situation.

Self Assessment

QUESTION: What is Informational and Transactional Listening? ANSWER: Informational Listening is the ability to understand a message and to use the information at a later date or time. Much of the listening persons practise on a regular basis falls under the blanket of listening for information. In the office, people listen to their superiors for instructions about what they are to do. At school, students listen to teachers for information that they are expected to understand for quizzes and tests. In all areas of life, informational listening plays a huge role in human communication. Transactional listening is used in communication for getting business done, or to achieve a successful transfer of information. This is where no active participation in the discourse is required of the listener. The purpose is usually to gain information.

Self Assessment

QUESTION: What are the basic intrinsic qualities that impact on Affective Listening? ANSWER: The basic intrinsic qualities are those we are born with and cannot lose even though we may not always manifest them.

These are the logistics for the Gift of Listening

Share equal time for each of the pair: Speaker 'A' speaks for 'x' minutes and Speaker 'B' affirms using the heart after Time signal. Then Speaker 'B' speaks for 'x' minutes and Speaker 'A' affirms using the heart after time signal.

1. Discuss what to speak about:

You can speak of anything you like but remember that your hurts started earlier – sometimes in childhood and the pattern plays when something similar triggers the memory. Check what makes you shout, or become angry. Try to remember sometime in your childhood when you felt this way. Talk about it in the Gift of Listening.

2. Practicing Affirming via modelling.

Practise affirming based on the qualities of the heart. See Activity. Say the name of the person and affirm them by contradicting anything negative or reinforce the positive: “Nalini, you are loving and good” after she told you she beat her children because she was sad about her partner’s ignoring her.

3. Practise the Gift of Listening regularly with someone or more than once preferably.

Activity

Answer the following questions as honestly as possible. 1. What are the intrinsic qualities of self? Brainstorm and consider five types of intrinsic qualities and writes these in a heart. Some examples of these intrinsic qualities include ‘Good, Loving, Energetic, Intelligent, Powerful’. Then add to I am, ‘and you are’. 2. Think about the way you like to be listened to when you wish to talk about important issues to others. Brainstorm what you like and what you do not. Write these into a table with two columns labelled– ‘Like’ and ‘Do Not Like’. Give examples. E.g. Does it satisfy you when you are getting good attention (eye contact)? Give examples of when they were not satisfied about the way you were being listened to. (Turning away; reading a newspaper; walking away; interrupting them with one story, etc.) Draw a diamond on the board under the label ‘How I wish to be listened to’ and write in the ways you chose to be listened to. There should be full attention with eye contact and nodding, ‘uh huh’, but with no interruptions out of curiosity as well as no judgment, advice or comments. 3. Discuss and write on the board the structure and logistics for the Gift of Listening Logistics: Share structure for equal time for each of the pair: Speaker 'A' speaks for 'x' minutes and Speaker 'B' affirms using the heart after Time signal. Then Speaker 'B' speaks for 'x' minutes and Speaker 'A' affirms using the heart after time signal. 4. Processing afterwards: Describe what went well and what was difficult – who wanted to interrupt? You put up your hand. Who forgot and gave advice and comments? Who got good affirmations? 5. Writing reflections: Write your reflections on this activity for this activity for inclusion in your portfolio.

Checklists of Performance Task

1. Drawing of the heart showing the intrinsic qualities of self and diamond of how I like to be listened to.

	RUBRIC of performance criteria	V. Well Done	Well Done	OK	Not Ok- Will redo by ….
1.	I included five qualities of the heart
2.	I included at least four ways I like to be listened to in the diamond.

2. Listening Skills practised in dyads

	RUBRIC of performance criteria	V. Well Done	Well Done	OK	Not Ok- Will redo by ….
1.	The two of us enjoyed equal time
2.	We gave positive eye contact when listening to the other
2.	I affirmed using the person’s name and one or two of the relevant qualities of the heart

3. Reflections on the Gift of Listening

	RUBRIC of performance criteria	V. Well Done	Well Done	OK	Not Ok- Will redo by ….
1.	I did not judge or give advice while I listened
2.	I affirmed without much thought knowing it would be the right response and appropriate contradiction
3.	I spoke of something that mattered to me

Unit summary

In this unit you learned about:

• Affective Listening and its benefits.
• The Gift of Listening and how it can enhance your conversations leaving all parties involved satisfied that their input was listened to attentively.

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